So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
