cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
