Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He passed out mid-signature
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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