I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
