You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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