He passed out mid-signature
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
