Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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