she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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