Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
