I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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