It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
