it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
