It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
