Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You don't make any sense
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