Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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