I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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