My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
