I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
