So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
