thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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