My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
