dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I will pee on everything he values.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
