i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Randomize
