I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
