he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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