Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
