I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
