You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
