we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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