so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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