I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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