I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
