I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
