I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
