Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It was like getting head from an anaconda
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
wow bdsm is so cute
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
