So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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