if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
