So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
