She's JV to your varsity
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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