So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
