Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
