I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
