I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
