how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
