I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Come on in and take your pants off
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