Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
