How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
