I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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