Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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