I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
