wakey wakey hands off snakey
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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