my being single is dangerous.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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