TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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