Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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