Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
