just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
