; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
