just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
