So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
