I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
